If you have a troubled sleeper, you are probably going to hate me for writing this post. Sorry. I'm writing it anyways. I don't believe that most kids are "bad sleepers." I think most kids have bad sleeping habits. There is a huge difference. And I am just tired enough (because my husband woke me up at 4 am) to be a bit b****y and say that the fact of life is that you created those habits, despite the best of intentions.
I will stand up and say that I am 100% responsible for my older daughter's poor sleep habits in the first year of her life, and I will also say that together, we worked very hard to overcome those bad habits.
We had many nights of screaming, and many tired grumpy days in working to fix her naps and nights. But now, she goes to bed without complaint, sleeps peacefully through the night, and wakes up cheerful and rested. Our work paid off, and then some. It wasn't easy, but it was so worth it.
My younger daughter was never permitted to develop bad sleeping habits. I learned my lesson. A few hours after she was born, I began sleep training her. Now, don't get all uppity. I'm not talking about Ferberizing her. Not even close. I began guiding her into good sleep habits, even at that very young age.
In the hospital, I began the process of not responding to her cries immediately. I gave her a chance to settle herself back in to sleep, or decide to fully wake up. About half the time, she'd fuss for a few minutes, and then go right back to sleep. She was never really awake you see, she was just in a lighter sleep phase, and by letting her fuss a bit, she was able to get back into a nice deep sleep. If you want more information on this, please read "Bringing Up Bebe" by Pamela Druckerman.
A few weeks after we came home, I began to transition her into putting herself to sleep in her own bed. I would nurse her until she was almost asleep, and then place her into her crib. If she didn't go to sleep right away, I would stand there and keep putting her pacifier back in and rubbing her back, but I never picked her up once she was down. Gradually, I put her down in a more and more awake state. Always drowsy and ready to sleep, but not at the point where she could hardly keep her eyes open as when we initially began.
I am proud to say, she has cried herself to sleep very few times in ten months. And usually, when she has cried herself to sleep, it is because I have messed up her schedule, or her sister is being loud, or her teeth are bothering her.
I didn't fret much about the middle of the night feeds. Her night feeds were a quick and businesslike affair; from start to finish, night feeds took about five to ten minutes. And she went back to sleep immediately after, which let me know that she needed to eat, she wasn't just looking for comfort.
As she got older and began to occasionally sleep through the night, it was clear that she no longer needed to eat at night, she just wanted to. I am not a huge fan of pushing a baby into a sleep pattern that they aren't ready for to suit my own needs, but on the mornings that she slept through the night, she was much happier and more well rested, so clearly, sleeping through the night was beneficial to her too.
I hemmed and hawed for a bit, not wanting to mess up my great sleeper, but finally I took the plunge. Sunday night, I determined that we were done with night feeds. She woke up at midnight, fussed intermittently for an hour, and went back to sleep. That was it. It is now Thursday, and so far so good. No more fussing, and not one episode of crying.
She had a strong background of good sleeping habits, and she was ready. So, it was as simple as that. It really was just that easy. But please don't say it was luck that I got a good sleeper. It was work.
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