I Give Up.

This morning, my older daughter came to the breakfast table with her blankie. Now, I don't typically let blankie out of the crib, as I don't want her dragging it all over the house, or, eww, dragging it everywhere we go. As cute as it is, it is also a habit I'd rather prevent than try to rid her of, as I don't want to do an extra load of laundry every day just to wash her blankie, or run around every store we just visited looking for a dropped blankie. Yes, this is perhaps being selfish on my part, but I feel like it is reasonably so.  For my sanity's sake, blankie stays in the crib.  Yet this morning, I permitted her to bring it down as I was just too tired to fight her. And then blankie came to the table.

"Let's put blankie on the stairs so he doesn't get dirty," I said as I put the breakfast on the table.

"Blankie eat with me please," she replied, fairly politely.

"Mommy is putting blankie on the stairs so he doesn't get dirty," I repeated gently as I moved towards her to take it away.

"No Mommmmmmyyyyy, no take!  Please!" She screamed.

I stepped back, looking at her little body, tense, and ready to fight, and gave up.  I actually said it out loud.

"I give up."

She ate breakfast with her blanket.  I was too tired to be the adult.  I needed an adult.  Was it a big deal that she took her blanket out of the crib or to the table?  No, of course not.  So I had to wash maple syrup off of it before nap time...whatever.  The big deal was the fact that I was too tired to be the adult and enforce a very simple, very minor rule.

Had I been energetic (that isn't the right word, but I'm sure you know what I mean) enough to tell her, as I do every other morning, "Say goodnight to blankie, he needs a nap!" I wouldn't have had to put either of us in that position.  She would have thrown blankie back into the crib as she does every other day.  Instead, I didn't even have the energy to say those simple words, and I created a needless problem.

But you know, I am actually ok with the fact that I gave up, out loud, where she could hear it.  I certainly won't make a habit of it, but I don't mind that she knows that I am only human, that I have feelings too, and that I get oh so tired sometimes.  I am ok with the fact that I needed a break, and that the break I opted to take was not fighting with her over her benign wish to eat breakfast with her blankie.

I did something silly out of exhaustion, and I paid the price for it.  It happens extremely infrequently here, but only because we set the stage when the girls were very young, so a lot of battles I simply don't HAVE to fight, but I know that for a lot of moms, that is just how it goes every day.  They are too tired to do what they know needs to be done in order to maintain control of their homes and families.  I can't even imagine how that must feel.  No, that's not true.  After today, I absolutely CAN imagine how that feels, and I know I would hate it.

So what can be done when you are in that position, and just too bone-tired to be the adult?  For me, it was giving myself time to recover.  I disengaged as best I could from the kids until I had time to pull myself together, put my mom jeans back on, and was able to perform as an adult again.  They watched a movie while I sat and had a cup of coffee and let my brain go quiet.  Perfect day?  No.  But after that I got the job done, and we made it through the day with only one other major skirmish.  She wanted to sit on my lap for dinner, and I wanted her to sit in her booster seat, as she does at every other meal.  I stood my ground that time, and oh, it felt so good to succeed.  But you know who really won?  My daughter.  She may not have gotten what she wanted, but she got what she needed in having her mom there as the adult, taking control and making sure that her world continued to be safe, secure, and predictable.