Parenting Books

I just finished reading a really great discipline book called Love and Logic.  What I liked about it was that it doesn't do "chances," when a child misbehaves, they are immediately punished for it in an appropriate fashion.  Small misdeeds equal small punishments, such as removing the thing they aren't supposed to touch, and big misdeeds get bigger punishments, such as crib time for hitting.

I don't love everything about this book though.  It focuses too much on discipline, and not enough on parenting.  I think that the discipline style presented in this book is great.  When my children do something they know they aren't supposed to do, they are immediately punished in an appropriate fashion.  Throw your food?  Meal is over.  We do this in a matter of fact fashion, with no raised voices, and once the "punishment" of removing the food and placing the child on the floor has been performed, we get on with life.  No further conversation about it, no lingering disapproval.

But the best way to prevent the discipline from being needed is to parent.  If I want to keep my kids at the table eating nicely, it takes both hands.  It takes the willingness to end their meal immediately when they act up, but mostly, it takes me carrying on a conversation with them while they eat so that they don't get bored and (literally) toss their cookies.

If we are being completely honest here, I loathe family meal time.  I have always preferred to eat in silence while reading a good book.  And there are some nights when I need that time, so I join the kids in a small meal, and then treat myself to a solitary, nose-in-book meal after they've gone to bed.  But no matter my preference, while they are sitting at the table with me, I know I will get the best behavior out of them if I am on my best behavior as well.  So, we pretend to be having a tea party, or I pretend that my hand is a rabbit coming to steal their vegetables if they don't eat them quickly.  We talk about our favorite colors.  We plan what to do that day.  We discuss what happened at school that day, or make up stories.

I caught myself relying too heavily on discipline this morning.  I found myself continuously telling the girls to stop ________ and then having to punish them.  I couldn't figure out what the heck was wrong, and assumed they were getting sick, or needed more sleep, or something!  But now that they've gone down for their naps and I've had time to reflect, my parenting was not up to par this morning.  I wasn't directing them appropriately.  Instead of telling them to stop banging their hammers on the kitchen table, then removing their hammers when they didn't listen to me, I should have told them to stop banging their hammers on the kitchen table because they were denting it, but lets go find something that needs fixing.  <---- discipline and parenting.

I have big plans for them when they wake up.  I know we will have a better afternoon.

What I Do

I was listening to a group of moms at the park today, and they were talking about how much they don't get done.  The whole conversation was just shy of bragging about how little they accomplish, and how they choose to focus on their kids instead, which makes them good moms.  I'm not going to beat a dead horse about how I disagree with that, but for 45 minutes they were talking about how impossible it was to get everything done without neglecting their kids.  It isn't always easy, but I really do think it is possible.  I'll share a normal day for us, today, in fact.

6:30 Kids woke up.  We cuddled on the couch, and I had my coffee while they watched tv.
7:00 Breakfast.  Whole grain waffles and fresh blueberries.  After breakfast, I cleaned up the kitchen while they played and intermittently helped me.  Threw in a load of laundry, got them dressed, then took a shower and dressed myself.
8:00 2 mile walk followed by an hour at the playground.  When we got home, I cleaned both bathrooms while the girls painted pumpkin shaped coffee filters to hang on the back door.
11:00 Lunch.  Today was a cop-out lunch, and we had turkey and cheese rollups, cucumber slices, and cherry tomatoes.  After lunch, I got the kitchen cleaned, then the kids helped me put away all of the toys in the playroom and the kitchen.
12:00-2:00 Naptime.  While they slept, I wiped down the baseboards on the first floor, baked banana muffins, sauteed chicken cutlets and made a lentil salad for dinner.  Folded laundry and started another load.
2:00 The girls woke up and had a snack.  Then we went played for about an hour (tea party!) then grocery shopping.
4:30 Made chili garlic spinach and some buttered pasta for dinner, both girls helped.
5:00 Dinner.  After dinner, the girls helped to clear the table, then I did the dishes while the 2 year old wiped down the table, and the 1 year old "swept" with her little broom.  Then I vacuumed the first floor, the stairs, and the second floor with help from the 1 year old while the 2 year old read.
6:00 Bath time.
6:30 Reading time with both girls.
6:45 Bedtime for the 1 year old, then reading time with the 2 year old.
7:00 Bedtime for the 2 year old.
I did the whole house shuffle, making sure that everything is in its place, and cleaned up any leftover mess from the day.  Mopped the kitchen floor.  Gave the living room a quick dust, and then off duty by 8.

I do different small tasks every day; wiping the baseboards or walls, polishing the stainless appliances, washing the windows etc.  They typically happen while the girls are napping, but sometimes I am just too beat to do that much and I crash while they nap.  No, the oven is never spotless on the same day the windows are spotless, but they are good enough.  And every day, pretty much regardless of what is going on, the whole house gets vacuumed, the kitchen and bathrooms are scrubbed and mopped, laundry gets done, and the house gets tidied at least twice.