Birth is birth.

http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/why-love-c-section-scar-150400581.html

^ YES!

I have had two c sections, and I am DAMN proud of it.  I am so sick of the guilt and guilting that goes along with c section births.  To begin with, the way I gave birth does NOT affect you, unlike, say, the decision whether or not to vaccinate a child.  That decision happens to affect everyone in our society, so therefore, everyone is entitled to an opinion on your decision not to vaccinate.  Accept that, and move on.

Not that it matters, but both of my sections were life saving; the first was to save my daughter's life, and the second was because the doctor felt very strongly that I was a high risk for uterine rupture based on many factors, and according to the surgeon who did the procedure, he was absolutely right.  I would probably have blown like a geyser.

I will admit, I do regret not having had that moment of "Oh!  I'm in labor!"  Or that moment of "Push!  Push!"  But I am alive, and I have two healthy, beautiful little girls to show for it, so when women give me the pity face when they hear I had a couple of c sections, I just don't get it.

There are websites upon websites that are dedicated to helping women to "fight" against medical intervention during birth, and particularly against c sections.  They see c sections as unnecessary interventions performed by doctors who lose patience with the poor, long-laboring woman, and just haul off and slice that kid right out, to the eternal detriment of child and mother.  That DOES sound bad!  Oh my.  Either that, or they accuse women who've had c sections as lazy quitters who did it for vanity reasons.  Unless I am considering a career change, far more people are likely to see my stomach than my vagina, so there's that.

I'd like to know what fantasy-land these women are living in.  This is almost as bad as those wackadoos who talk about "birth rape."  Get over yourselves.  If you think you were "raped" by your birthing experience, I'd like to ask you quite seriously if you have ever really had anything bad happen to you, because it seems as though your definition of trauma is pretty fucked up.

I'd also like to point out that anything that happens to a woman in that birthing room is done with her consent.  They may feel like they were "bullied" into a section or an epidural, but nonetheless, it was done with their consent unless they were quite literally dying and the doctor did what needed to be done whether they liked it or not.  And even still, he probably tried damn hard to explain it to them and get consent before deciding that they were too addled from the dying and getting the consent from the father or partner.

But I digress.  Two c sections, a healthy mama and two healthy babies.  Why would anyone judge that?  Why am I to be pitied?  I really want to know.  Why would anyone tell me that my daughter's near death experience was CAUSED by medicine, not solved by it?  Here's what I know.  Had I been stubborn and refused the section, my daughter would be dead.  She was blue and it took about 5 minutes for them to get her breathing on her own.  Had I refused the second section, I'd probably be dead, likely along with my daughter unless someone was able to rush me to an OR and get her cut out in time.

Do I think that there are too many sections happening in this country?  Yes, probably.  But I also think that it is none of my business.  It doesn't affect me.  We can play the trickle down game and say that it affects me because of insurance deductibles and blah blah blah, but that money all ends up back in the economy in one way or another, so I don't buy that argument.  If, at the end of each birth, there is a healthy mama and baby, it isn't my business.

A Proud Moment

We went shoe shopping today, and my normally reserved toddler apparently decided to drop a love bomb on a random woman.  She was in her sixties, an employee of the shoe store, and a fairly nondescript person.  As we walked by her, she smiled at my girls, and my toddler stopped in her tracks and turned to face her.

"You have a sparkle shirt!  Thats so pretty," she said, staring at her.
"Oh my, thank you so much!"  The woman's smile grew.
"Oh wow, you have buttons on you shoes!"
The woman looked at me, and made all sorts of cooing noises about my little girl and how sweet she was, but my girlie was just getting started.
"You have a heart neckie! (necklace)  I love it!  Oh, you face is bootiful!  I like you yellow hair!"
This woman was melting faster than chocolate in August.
The woman's manager called her to help someone, and she drifted away unwillingly, as my little friend shouted "Goodbye!  Pleased to met you!"

I'm not sure what drove my daughter to do this.  She has never ever done this, even to people she knows and loves.  This was a completely ordinary woman.  When I got home and was telling my husband this story, he pointed out that our little girl is particularly perceptive and sensitive, and probably felt as though this woman needed this for some reason.  I'd like to think so.  It would be nice to think that my baby was that kind.  I hope that woman smiled for the rest of the day.

Falling Apart

My family is unraveling at the moment.  I had knee surgery on Friday after a long 5 months of waiting. My knee was in pretty rough shape, and will likely require one more surgery to make it right, but in the meantime, this will hopefully improve the pain to tolerable.  While I am out of commission, my family is kind of falling to pieces.

My husband is trying to be the mom, and is drowning in the housework.  He cannot for the life of him figure out how to get anything done while holding a child or how to redirect them to go play independently, so he is either holding somebody OR getting something done.  Which, as you moms know, is a recipe to get nothing done.

My oldest daughter is attaching herself to me like a limpet.  She won't let me out of her sight without thinking that I'm leaving.  If someone tries to take her away from me, she screams hysterically.  And the amount of worrying over me that she is doing is really sad to see in a two year old.  After I put ice on, she touches my knee and tells me it is too cold and I need a blankie for it.  If I walk with one crutch instead of two, she comes flying after me with the other.  Where is my brace?  Put a pillow under it while I'm sitting.  Go sit down.  She even "fixes" it with cream because she is pretty sure that is what the doctor does whenever I have an appointment.  She rubs cream all over my leg while adorably seriously saying "There, that's better.  I you doctor, I make you better.  I fix."  Yes, incredibly cute, but way too heavy for a two year old.

And the baby.  Well, she is taking this hard.  When I was pregnant with her, I was in and out of the hospital for a few months.  My older daughter would be very cool to me when I came home, and attach herself to whoever had been caring for her.  The baby is doing the same, which is predictable because she is the same age as my older daughter was.  It doesn't hurt my feelings.  I understand why she is doing it, and that it is a normal reaction from a one year old when there is this kind of upheaval in her world.  In a week or two, life will be back to normal, and we'll be back in our groove.  What pisses me off is the way certain other people are reacting to this behavior of hers.  There is some barely contained gloating which makes me want to fly off the handle.  I can't say any more about that, but oh, I want to.  I even typed it out, then deleted it.  And then typed it out again, then deleted it again.

Both of my girls have also been behaving pretty badly in general.  Their dad is at a loss, because he is having to deal with it, and he doesn't really understand that this is reactive behavior, and while it needs to be addressed, it doesn't REALLY need to be addressed all that strongly.  It will go away when life goes back to normal.  He is upset, they are upset, I am upset.  This is our life right now.

Either be the adult, or quit complaining.

I'm part of several moms groups, and a few of my groups have a few moms who complain about their children's behavior, but don't seem willing or capable of making the changes necessary to help their kid.  Case in point.  Your toddler isn't sleeping.  You will do "anything" except for let her cry.  Why?  What is so bad about a child having to cry at some point?  A toddler isn't capable of full reasoning, and you will not be able to explain to her that sleep is important.  Your options are to soothe her constantly, or let her cry.  It is fine if you opt to soothe her into oblivion, but then don't complain about it, for Pete's sake!

I read this over and over again, whether it be about sleeping, or behavior.  Either grow up and fix it, or accept that you live with a tyrant and you are ok with that.  I've said it before, and I'll say it again.  My children are not perfect.  They test boundaries constantly.  I had to haul my two year old out of a store over my shoulder the other day because she was being a serious turd, but the next time we went to a store, she was delightful.  She tested, and discovered the answer.  Problem solved.

My method is not acceptable to everyone.  Some find it too lenient because I neither raise my voice or raise my hand to my children.  Some find it too harsh because I demand certain behaviors and don't tolerate any less.  It works for me.  What you do should work for you too, and if it doesn't, consider changing it.  I'm not saying to do what I do, but if you are unhappy with your results, change the method.