I don't even know where to begin tonight. I made the mistake of watching the news and all I want to do now is to wake up my babies and hold them tight. Since I can't do that without upsetting them, I've decided instead just to make a list of the wonderful things about my girls.
My older daughter is the most caring, empathetic person I have ever met. She sees so much beauty in the world. She goes out of her way to compliment strangers. She gives the most genuine hugs. She is reasonable and level headed. She thinks that princesses are special because they are kind. She seeks out the person in the room who feels awkward, and makes them feel welcome. She protects her little sister and her dogs no matter what the circumstance.
My younger daughter dances to any music, no matter where she is. She has a smile that brightens the world. She pays attention to the smallest detail, and is able to unerringly recreate it. She loves ferociously. She doesn't care what anyone else thinks, she forms her own opinions very carefully. She likes everyone. She beams when she gets a compliment. She will someday be the defender of the weak, because she will not standby silently. She says hello to everyone she sees, and she means it.
I am so thankful that I get to share my heart with these two special little girls. I tell them every night that I am so lucky to be their mommy, and I truly am. Children are such a gift, and rather than dwelling on the kind of badness that exists in the world, I will dwell on the light that children bring to the world.
Friday, November 22, 2013
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Parenting Books
I just finished reading a really great discipline book called Love and Logic. What I liked about it was that it doesn't do "chances," when a child misbehaves, they are immediately punished for it in an appropriate fashion. Small misdeeds equal small punishments, such as removing the thing they aren't supposed to touch, and big misdeeds get bigger punishments, such as crib time for hitting.
I don't love everything about this book though. It focuses too much on discipline, and not enough on parenting. I think that the discipline style presented in this book is great. When my children do something they know they aren't supposed to do, they are immediately punished in an appropriate fashion. Throw your food? Meal is over. We do this in a matter of fact fashion, with no raised voices, and once the "punishment" of removing the food and placing the child on the floor has been performed, we get on with life. No further conversation about it, no lingering disapproval.
But the best way to prevent the discipline from being needed is to parent. If I want to keep my kids at the table eating nicely, it takes both hands. It takes the willingness to end their meal immediately when they act up, but mostly, it takes me carrying on a conversation with them while they eat so that they don't get bored and (literally) toss their cookies.
If we are being completely honest here, I loathe family meal time. I have always preferred to eat in silence while reading a good book. And there are some nights when I need that time, so I join the kids in a small meal, and then treat myself to a solitary, nose-in-book meal after they've gone to bed. But no matter my preference, while they are sitting at the table with me, I know I will get the best behavior out of them if I am on my best behavior as well. So, we pretend to be having a tea party, or I pretend that my hand is a rabbit coming to steal their vegetables if they don't eat them quickly. We talk about our favorite colors. We plan what to do that day. We discuss what happened at school that day, or make up stories.
I caught myself relying too heavily on discipline this morning. I found myself continuously telling the girls to stop ________ and then having to punish them. I couldn't figure out what the heck was wrong, and assumed they were getting sick, or needed more sleep, or something! But now that they've gone down for their naps and I've had time to reflect, my parenting was not up to par this morning. I wasn't directing them appropriately. Instead of telling them to stop banging their hammers on the kitchen table, then removing their hammers when they didn't listen to me, I should have told them to stop banging their hammers on the kitchen table because they were denting it, but lets go find something that needs fixing. <---- discipline and parenting.
I have big plans for them when they wake up. I know we will have a better afternoon.
I don't love everything about this book though. It focuses too much on discipline, and not enough on parenting. I think that the discipline style presented in this book is great. When my children do something they know they aren't supposed to do, they are immediately punished in an appropriate fashion. Throw your food? Meal is over. We do this in a matter of fact fashion, with no raised voices, and once the "punishment" of removing the food and placing the child on the floor has been performed, we get on with life. No further conversation about it, no lingering disapproval.
But the best way to prevent the discipline from being needed is to parent. If I want to keep my kids at the table eating nicely, it takes both hands. It takes the willingness to end their meal immediately when they act up, but mostly, it takes me carrying on a conversation with them while they eat so that they don't get bored and (literally) toss their cookies.
If we are being completely honest here, I loathe family meal time. I have always preferred to eat in silence while reading a good book. And there are some nights when I need that time, so I join the kids in a small meal, and then treat myself to a solitary, nose-in-book meal after they've gone to bed. But no matter my preference, while they are sitting at the table with me, I know I will get the best behavior out of them if I am on my best behavior as well. So, we pretend to be having a tea party, or I pretend that my hand is a rabbit coming to steal their vegetables if they don't eat them quickly. We talk about our favorite colors. We plan what to do that day. We discuss what happened at school that day, or make up stories.
I caught myself relying too heavily on discipline this morning. I found myself continuously telling the girls to stop ________ and then having to punish them. I couldn't figure out what the heck was wrong, and assumed they were getting sick, or needed more sleep, or something! But now that they've gone down for their naps and I've had time to reflect, my parenting was not up to par this morning. I wasn't directing them appropriately. Instead of telling them to stop banging their hammers on the kitchen table, then removing their hammers when they didn't listen to me, I should have told them to stop banging their hammers on the kitchen table because they were denting it, but lets go find something that needs fixing. <---- discipline and parenting.
I have big plans for them when they wake up. I know we will have a better afternoon.
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
What I Do
I was listening to a group of moms at the park today, and they were talking about how much they don't get done. The whole conversation was just shy of bragging about how little they accomplish, and how they choose to focus on their kids instead, which makes them good moms. I'm not going to beat a dead horse about how I disagree with that, but for 45 minutes they were talking about how impossible it was to get everything done without neglecting their kids. It isn't always easy, but I really do think it is possible. I'll share a normal day for us, today, in fact.
6:30 Kids woke up. We cuddled on the couch, and I had my coffee while they watched tv.
7:00 Breakfast. Whole grain waffles and fresh blueberries. After breakfast, I cleaned up the kitchen while they played and intermittently helped me. Threw in a load of laundry, got them dressed, then took a shower and dressed myself.
8:00 2 mile walk followed by an hour at the playground. When we got home, I cleaned both bathrooms while the girls painted pumpkin shaped coffee filters to hang on the back door.
11:00 Lunch. Today was a cop-out lunch, and we had turkey and cheese rollups, cucumber slices, and cherry tomatoes. After lunch, I got the kitchen cleaned, then the kids helped me put away all of the toys in the playroom and the kitchen.
12:00-2:00 Naptime. While they slept, I wiped down the baseboards on the first floor, baked banana muffins, sauteed chicken cutlets and made a lentil salad for dinner. Folded laundry and started another load.
2:00 The girls woke up and had a snack. Then we went played for about an hour (tea party!) then grocery shopping.
4:30 Made chili garlic spinach and some buttered pasta for dinner, both girls helped.
5:00 Dinner. After dinner, the girls helped to clear the table, then I did the dishes while the 2 year old wiped down the table, and the 1 year old "swept" with her little broom. Then I vacuumed the first floor, the stairs, and the second floor with help from the 1 year old while the 2 year old read.
6:00 Bath time.
6:30 Reading time with both girls.
6:45 Bedtime for the 1 year old, then reading time with the 2 year old.
7:00 Bedtime for the 2 year old.
I did the whole house shuffle, making sure that everything is in its place, and cleaned up any leftover mess from the day. Mopped the kitchen floor. Gave the living room a quick dust, and then off duty by 8.
I do different small tasks every day; wiping the baseboards or walls, polishing the stainless appliances, washing the windows etc. They typically happen while the girls are napping, but sometimes I am just too beat to do that much and I crash while they nap. No, the oven is never spotless on the same day the windows are spotless, but they are good enough. And every day, pretty much regardless of what is going on, the whole house gets vacuumed, the kitchen and bathrooms are scrubbed and mopped, laundry gets done, and the house gets tidied at least twice.
6:30 Kids woke up. We cuddled on the couch, and I had my coffee while they watched tv.
7:00 Breakfast. Whole grain waffles and fresh blueberries. After breakfast, I cleaned up the kitchen while they played and intermittently helped me. Threw in a load of laundry, got them dressed, then took a shower and dressed myself.
8:00 2 mile walk followed by an hour at the playground. When we got home, I cleaned both bathrooms while the girls painted pumpkin shaped coffee filters to hang on the back door.
11:00 Lunch. Today was a cop-out lunch, and we had turkey and cheese rollups, cucumber slices, and cherry tomatoes. After lunch, I got the kitchen cleaned, then the kids helped me put away all of the toys in the playroom and the kitchen.
12:00-2:00 Naptime. While they slept, I wiped down the baseboards on the first floor, baked banana muffins, sauteed chicken cutlets and made a lentil salad for dinner. Folded laundry and started another load.
2:00 The girls woke up and had a snack. Then we went played for about an hour (tea party!) then grocery shopping.
4:30 Made chili garlic spinach and some buttered pasta for dinner, both girls helped.
5:00 Dinner. After dinner, the girls helped to clear the table, then I did the dishes while the 2 year old wiped down the table, and the 1 year old "swept" with her little broom. Then I vacuumed the first floor, the stairs, and the second floor with help from the 1 year old while the 2 year old read.
6:00 Bath time.
6:30 Reading time with both girls.
6:45 Bedtime for the 1 year old, then reading time with the 2 year old.
7:00 Bedtime for the 2 year old.
I did the whole house shuffle, making sure that everything is in its place, and cleaned up any leftover mess from the day. Mopped the kitchen floor. Gave the living room a quick dust, and then off duty by 8.
I do different small tasks every day; wiping the baseboards or walls, polishing the stainless appliances, washing the windows etc. They typically happen while the girls are napping, but sometimes I am just too beat to do that much and I crash while they nap. No, the oven is never spotless on the same day the windows are spotless, but they are good enough. And every day, pretty much regardless of what is going on, the whole house gets vacuumed, the kitchen and bathrooms are scrubbed and mopped, laundry gets done, and the house gets tidied at least twice.
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Passing On Our Phobias
I have very few phobias, but randomly, I have a huge phobia about chewing gum. I know, weird. When the day comes that my daughters are old enough to ask for gum, I will let them have it without shuddering even though I am crying on the inside. Most of my being would love to tell them that gum is disgusting and never let them even try it, but that isn't fair to them. They will find plenty of things in this world that are disgusting or scary, and they don't need me to put my opinions on them.
This morning, I walked to the park with the girls and my two dogs. Normally, I tie the dogs up to a nice shady tree outside of the fence because dogs are not allowed (rightfully so) into the playground area, but today they were mowing the lawn and I didn't want them to get run over. It was either go home, or break the rules and tie them up inside the fence. I found a corner and tied them up to the fence post, then blocked them into the corner using my giganto double stroller. They were pretty much invisible, and unless someone moved my stroller out of the way and unhooked their leashes, they were completely contained. I should also point out that these are two fairly small dogs who are quiet and well behaved. Even if someone were to set them free, the dogs might move to find a sunnier spot, and then would lie down and go to sleep. I didn't bring two monsters to the playground, in other words. Also, we were the only ones there, so this seemed like no big deal.
A mom came in with her toddler, and promptly began making a big deal. She kept swooping the little boy away from the corner any time he would go over to try to see the dogs, and loudly announcing that he was terrified of dogs, and that it was unfair of anyone to bring dogs to a place where scared children might be. If that little boy were actually afraid of the dogs, I would have immediately left with the dogs, because, she was right about that. But he wasn't afraid. Not even a smidge. She was.
Today, that little boy was intrigued by the dogs, and kept trying to move the stroller to get in and pat them. But how long will that last? At some point, his mom's shrieks of fear upon seeing a dog are going to burrow into his brain, and he is most likely going to develop the same fear of dogs.
That is so unfair to do. I assume if that mom were to put some thought into this, she would recognize that she would prefer NOT to be afraid of dogs. I know I would prefer not to be afraid of gum. It kind of stinks to spend an entire semester of class nauseated in advance thinking that my knee might accidentally touch the underside of my desk where there is sure to be a stray piece of gum. I don't want my kids to feel the same way, so I keep my feelings to myself. Does that woman not see the correlation to her behavior and her son's feelings? Or is she really so selfish that she prefers him to be afraid of dogs too? I'm sure it makes it easier on her to not have to be grabbing his hand away from passing dogs, if he is instead shrieking and scampering as far away as possible.
Children will develop plenty of fears on their own, they don't need our help. What they do need is reassurance that we hear their fears, but that we are not afraid. When a loud clap of thunder happens, my girls automatically look at me, I do nothing different, and we continue what we are doing with no comment. We have no night lights in the house, and I have never once made a comment about the dark being any different than the light, so they don't see a difference either.
Now, as long as I don't ever have to take a tour of a chewing gum factory, we should be good.
This morning, I walked to the park with the girls and my two dogs. Normally, I tie the dogs up to a nice shady tree outside of the fence because dogs are not allowed (rightfully so) into the playground area, but today they were mowing the lawn and I didn't want them to get run over. It was either go home, or break the rules and tie them up inside the fence. I found a corner and tied them up to the fence post, then blocked them into the corner using my giganto double stroller. They were pretty much invisible, and unless someone moved my stroller out of the way and unhooked their leashes, they were completely contained. I should also point out that these are two fairly small dogs who are quiet and well behaved. Even if someone were to set them free, the dogs might move to find a sunnier spot, and then would lie down and go to sleep. I didn't bring two monsters to the playground, in other words. Also, we were the only ones there, so this seemed like no big deal.
A mom came in with her toddler, and promptly began making a big deal. She kept swooping the little boy away from the corner any time he would go over to try to see the dogs, and loudly announcing that he was terrified of dogs, and that it was unfair of anyone to bring dogs to a place where scared children might be. If that little boy were actually afraid of the dogs, I would have immediately left with the dogs, because, she was right about that. But he wasn't afraid. Not even a smidge. She was.
Today, that little boy was intrigued by the dogs, and kept trying to move the stroller to get in and pat them. But how long will that last? At some point, his mom's shrieks of fear upon seeing a dog are going to burrow into his brain, and he is most likely going to develop the same fear of dogs.
That is so unfair to do. I assume if that mom were to put some thought into this, she would recognize that she would prefer NOT to be afraid of dogs. I know I would prefer not to be afraid of gum. It kind of stinks to spend an entire semester of class nauseated in advance thinking that my knee might accidentally touch the underside of my desk where there is sure to be a stray piece of gum. I don't want my kids to feel the same way, so I keep my feelings to myself. Does that woman not see the correlation to her behavior and her son's feelings? Or is she really so selfish that she prefers him to be afraid of dogs too? I'm sure it makes it easier on her to not have to be grabbing his hand away from passing dogs, if he is instead shrieking and scampering as far away as possible.
Children will develop plenty of fears on their own, they don't need our help. What they do need is reassurance that we hear their fears, but that we are not afraid. When a loud clap of thunder happens, my girls automatically look at me, I do nothing different, and we continue what we are doing with no comment. We have no night lights in the house, and I have never once made a comment about the dark being any different than the light, so they don't see a difference either.
Now, as long as I don't ever have to take a tour of a chewing gum factory, we should be good.
Monday, September 16, 2013
Hello Again
I apologize for my absence, but my friends, I have been so tired, and pretty much every scrap of energy has been going to keeping my little world chugging along. When it comes to family or blogging, family is going to win every time!
There is something that has been nagging at my brain for a little while now, and after a conversation with my sister this morning, I think it is finally a formed enough thought to discuss. We saw a poster for a Mom to Mom group, which, based on the description, was basically a group for moms to get together and complain about how hard it is to be a mom, and support each other through our "trials." I re-read the poster expecting to see something I had previously missed, like, "Moms of sick children" or "Moms with cancer," but, no, this was just plain old ordinary moms, needing support for plain old ordinary mom things.
Well, huh.
I did not realize that being a mom was quite so rough.
Sure, there are moments, but really? Why on earth do ordinary moms need a support group? As my sister and I spoke, it was clear that she didn't have the answer, but thought it just as silly as I did.
Here's what popped into my head as we were talking. Just this week, I have heard story after story about moms who LIVE for their children, and the rest of their life is seriously suffering for it. These are women I know both online and in real life. A mom whose toddler doesn't care for his car seat or stroller, so she doesn't make him go in either unless she can bribe him into agreeing to it. Another mom who "appreciates" bad behavior because it shows how unique her child is. I could go on, but my blood pressure is rising just thinking about it.
These are the moms who need support groups I guess. Their lives are so hassled and hectic because their kids are in charge.
And then I read an article in a parenting magazine that was celebrating messy houses. Not messy houses when doing a special art project, or on a rainy day when making a blanket fort. Messy houses in general. A messy house does not equal a happy child, nor does a clean house equal an ignored child. A good mom equals a happy child. And a happy child equals a mom who has earned the right to raise a glass of wine to herself in pride at what she has accomplished.
Again, I say, I'm not perfect, and neither are my kids. My daughters have certainly had tantrums in public. I have certainly caved because I was too tired to fight something insignificant. But in general, my kids are happy, respectful little people. They are NICE people. They think I'm nice too (best compliment ever.) I work really hard to keep my house clean because it sends a message to them that they need to respect their environment, and, the environment as a whole. They say "God bless you" when a stranger sneezes in public. They say "Good morning" when we walk by someone in the park. They say "Please" and "Thank you" to the waitress. They set the table, and clean up their toys when they are done playing. If they see a crayon on the ground, sure, they might color on the walls with it, but more likely than not, they will bring it to me and ask for paper, because they respect their home. They are not robots. Tonight they dumped out my folded laundry from the basket and were pushing each other around my bedroom in it, but A) they dumped it fairly neatly, and B) they had a blast, so I was laughing just as much as them.
It is pretty easy to get caught in the landslide of self pity, when it is a landslide of your creating. When you let your life be controlled by a diaper wearing tyrant, it probably sucks to be you. When you live in harmony with a sweet child who respects you and whom you respect, there is no need for a support group. Life doesn't get any better.
There is something that has been nagging at my brain for a little while now, and after a conversation with my sister this morning, I think it is finally a formed enough thought to discuss. We saw a poster for a Mom to Mom group, which, based on the description, was basically a group for moms to get together and complain about how hard it is to be a mom, and support each other through our "trials." I re-read the poster expecting to see something I had previously missed, like, "Moms of sick children" or "Moms with cancer," but, no, this was just plain old ordinary moms, needing support for plain old ordinary mom things.
Well, huh.
I did not realize that being a mom was quite so rough.
Sure, there are moments, but really? Why on earth do ordinary moms need a support group? As my sister and I spoke, it was clear that she didn't have the answer, but thought it just as silly as I did.
Here's what popped into my head as we were talking. Just this week, I have heard story after story about moms who LIVE for their children, and the rest of their life is seriously suffering for it. These are women I know both online and in real life. A mom whose toddler doesn't care for his car seat or stroller, so she doesn't make him go in either unless she can bribe him into agreeing to it. Another mom who "appreciates" bad behavior because it shows how unique her child is. I could go on, but my blood pressure is rising just thinking about it.
These are the moms who need support groups I guess. Their lives are so hassled and hectic because their kids are in charge.
And then I read an article in a parenting magazine that was celebrating messy houses. Not messy houses when doing a special art project, or on a rainy day when making a blanket fort. Messy houses in general. A messy house does not equal a happy child, nor does a clean house equal an ignored child. A good mom equals a happy child. And a happy child equals a mom who has earned the right to raise a glass of wine to herself in pride at what she has accomplished.
Again, I say, I'm not perfect, and neither are my kids. My daughters have certainly had tantrums in public. I have certainly caved because I was too tired to fight something insignificant. But in general, my kids are happy, respectful little people. They are NICE people. They think I'm nice too (best compliment ever.) I work really hard to keep my house clean because it sends a message to them that they need to respect their environment, and, the environment as a whole. They say "God bless you" when a stranger sneezes in public. They say "Good morning" when we walk by someone in the park. They say "Please" and "Thank you" to the waitress. They set the table, and clean up their toys when they are done playing. If they see a crayon on the ground, sure, they might color on the walls with it, but more likely than not, they will bring it to me and ask for paper, because they respect their home. They are not robots. Tonight they dumped out my folded laundry from the basket and were pushing each other around my bedroom in it, but A) they dumped it fairly neatly, and B) they had a blast, so I was laughing just as much as them.
It is pretty easy to get caught in the landslide of self pity, when it is a landslide of your creating. When you let your life be controlled by a diaper wearing tyrant, it probably sucks to be you. When you live in harmony with a sweet child who respects you and whom you respect, there is no need for a support group. Life doesn't get any better.
Friday, August 2, 2013
Discipline or a lesson?
This morning my daughter finished eating breakfast, and threw the remnants of her plum on the floor. This was the first time I've seen her do this, and it was blatantly disrespectful. As she was sliding off of her chair, I asked her politely to please pick up her plum and throw it away. She replied "Nope, you do it," as she ran off. My options at that point became limited. She is 2, and while I could have man handled her into physically throwing away that plum, that wouldn't have really taught her much of a lesson other than the fact that I am stronger than her. I could have ignored it, and simply thrown the plum away, but I don't ever tolerate disrespect, and believe that disrespect births disrespect.
I walked into the playroom where she had escaped to, and informed her that she would play with no toys, or watch no television until she threw her plum away. I quietly added that it was not nice of her to make an intentional mess for me to clean. She immediately went to the cabinet where the toys were, and I gently moved her away and sat in front of the cabinet so she couldn't open it.
She stood there for a minute, clearly heating up. "I watch tv?"
"No. No toys, no tv until you throw the plum away."
She stayed still for awhile, clearly debating this in her mind. Minutes ticked by and she didn't move. Then she started crying.
"I want Sofia The First."
I didn't say anything. She cried for a few more minutes and then went into the kitchen to throw the plum away. Before she came back into the playroom, I had Sofia The First booted up on the tv.
"Thank you for making a good decision. I'm proud of you," and I gave her a hug.
I don't feel as though she was punished, I feel as though she had a lesson. I hope it was a successful lesson, but I won't know that until it happens again. What I hope she took from this situation is that she has to clean up her mess, that if I ask her to do something, she is expected to do it, and most importantly I hope that she was reminded that she needs to respect me. That throwing something on the floor for me to clean up is not ok because it is unkind. I hope above all things that my children learn kindness and respect, and I hope this gentle lesson furthered her along the path of both kindness and respect.
I walked into the playroom where she had escaped to, and informed her that she would play with no toys, or watch no television until she threw her plum away. I quietly added that it was not nice of her to make an intentional mess for me to clean. She immediately went to the cabinet where the toys were, and I gently moved her away and sat in front of the cabinet so she couldn't open it.
She stood there for a minute, clearly heating up. "I watch tv?"
"No. No toys, no tv until you throw the plum away."
She stayed still for awhile, clearly debating this in her mind. Minutes ticked by and she didn't move. Then she started crying.
"I want Sofia The First."
I didn't say anything. She cried for a few more minutes and then went into the kitchen to throw the plum away. Before she came back into the playroom, I had Sofia The First booted up on the tv.
"Thank you for making a good decision. I'm proud of you," and I gave her a hug.
I don't feel as though she was punished, I feel as though she had a lesson. I hope it was a successful lesson, but I won't know that until it happens again. What I hope she took from this situation is that she has to clean up her mess, that if I ask her to do something, she is expected to do it, and most importantly I hope that she was reminded that she needs to respect me. That throwing something on the floor for me to clean up is not ok because it is unkind. I hope above all things that my children learn kindness and respect, and I hope this gentle lesson furthered her along the path of both kindness and respect.
Friday, July 26, 2013
The Long Game
One of the problems with my parenting method is that I tend to take a long game view of my children and their behaviors. This means that I hope I am instilling good behaviors into them through modeling, positive reinforcement, and gentle corrections before hand, rather than constantly admonishing them after the fact. This also means that you have no idea if what you are doing is actually working, until it works...or doesn't. I believe that behaviors that are created this way become more deeply engrained, and things such as a fuss-free bed time routine and good meal manners have certainly come about this way for us.
A key behavior that I constantly stress to my kids is being kind to each other. We talk about kindness all the time. Seriously. I don't think an hour goes by that I don't use the word "kind" to them. I praise the slightest little kindness as though it were huge. "That was SO nice of you to be careful when you were walking by your little sister so you didn't knock her over. You are such a KIND person." "Would you please put food in the dog bowls? That would be very kind of you." "I think you must be very tired, because yelling at the dog wasn't very kind, and isn't the way you usually behave." I just keep hoping that the concept of "kind" becomes so a part of them that we have a lot more of the praise and very little of the correcting.
I also stress sharing in the same way. Huge praise when it happens, and constant attempts to set them up for success, but you know how sharing goes with two toddlers. Yeah, right. Tonight, my older daughter was playing with a plastic fork. She set it down for a moment, and the baby made a beeline for it. The toddler turned around, saw the baby picking it up, and ran over to grab it away. I said nothing. I wanted to know how they would work it out.
When the baby just stood there looking sad, the toddler immediately put the fork back in her hand and said "Here, you can use this. I love you much," and the baby hugged her sister.
Be still my mama heart. It worked! I'm sure tomorrow they will have a set back or twenty, but I can see that something is clicking in the quest for kindness.
A key behavior that I constantly stress to my kids is being kind to each other. We talk about kindness all the time. Seriously. I don't think an hour goes by that I don't use the word "kind" to them. I praise the slightest little kindness as though it were huge. "That was SO nice of you to be careful when you were walking by your little sister so you didn't knock her over. You are such a KIND person." "Would you please put food in the dog bowls? That would be very kind of you." "I think you must be very tired, because yelling at the dog wasn't very kind, and isn't the way you usually behave." I just keep hoping that the concept of "kind" becomes so a part of them that we have a lot more of the praise and very little of the correcting.
I also stress sharing in the same way. Huge praise when it happens, and constant attempts to set them up for success, but you know how sharing goes with two toddlers. Yeah, right. Tonight, my older daughter was playing with a plastic fork. She set it down for a moment, and the baby made a beeline for it. The toddler turned around, saw the baby picking it up, and ran over to grab it away. I said nothing. I wanted to know how they would work it out.
When the baby just stood there looking sad, the toddler immediately put the fork back in her hand and said "Here, you can use this. I love you much," and the baby hugged her sister.
Be still my mama heart. It worked! I'm sure tomorrow they will have a set back or twenty, but I can see that something is clicking in the quest for kindness.
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