The Long Game

One of the problems with my parenting method is that I tend to take a long game view of my children and their behaviors.  This means that I hope I am instilling good behaviors into them through modeling, positive reinforcement, and gentle corrections before hand, rather than constantly admonishing them after the fact.  This also means that you have no idea if what you are doing is actually working, until it works...or doesn't.  I believe that behaviors that are created this way become more deeply engrained, and things such as a fuss-free bed time routine and good meal manners have certainly come about this way for us.

A key behavior that I constantly stress to my kids is being kind to each other.  We talk about kindness all the time.  Seriously.  I don't think an hour goes by that I don't use the word "kind" to them.  I praise the slightest little kindness as though it were huge.  "That was SO nice of you to be careful when you were walking by your little sister so you didn't knock her over.  You are such a KIND person."  "Would you please put food in the dog bowls?  That would be very kind of you."  "I think you must be very tired, because yelling at the dog wasn't very kind, and isn't the way you usually behave."  I just keep hoping that the concept of "kind" becomes so a part of them that we have a lot more of the praise and very little of the correcting.

I also stress sharing in the same way.  Huge praise when it happens, and constant attempts to set them up for success, but you know how sharing goes with two toddlers.  Yeah, right.  Tonight, my older daughter was playing with a plastic fork.  She set it down for a moment, and the baby made a beeline for it.  The toddler turned around, saw the baby picking it up, and ran over to grab it away.  I said nothing.  I wanted to know how they would work it out.

When the baby just stood there looking sad, the toddler immediately put the fork back in her hand and said "Here, you can use this.  I love you much," and the baby hugged her sister.

Be still my mama heart.  It worked!  I'm sure tomorrow they will have a set back or twenty, but I can see that something is clicking in the quest for kindness.