Parenting Books

I just finished reading a really great discipline book called Love and Logic.  What I liked about it was that it doesn't do "chances," when a child misbehaves, they are immediately punished for it in an appropriate fashion.  Small misdeeds equal small punishments, such as removing the thing they aren't supposed to touch, and big misdeeds get bigger punishments, such as crib time for hitting.

I don't love everything about this book though.  It focuses too much on discipline, and not enough on parenting.  I think that the discipline style presented in this book is great.  When my children do something they know they aren't supposed to do, they are immediately punished in an appropriate fashion.  Throw your food?  Meal is over.  We do this in a matter of fact fashion, with no raised voices, and once the "punishment" of removing the food and placing the child on the floor has been performed, we get on with life.  No further conversation about it, no lingering disapproval.

But the best way to prevent the discipline from being needed is to parent.  If I want to keep my kids at the table eating nicely, it takes both hands.  It takes the willingness to end their meal immediately when they act up, but mostly, it takes me carrying on a conversation with them while they eat so that they don't get bored and (literally) toss their cookies.

If we are being completely honest here, I loathe family meal time.  I have always preferred to eat in silence while reading a good book.  And there are some nights when I need that time, so I join the kids in a small meal, and then treat myself to a solitary, nose-in-book meal after they've gone to bed.  But no matter my preference, while they are sitting at the table with me, I know I will get the best behavior out of them if I am on my best behavior as well.  So, we pretend to be having a tea party, or I pretend that my hand is a rabbit coming to steal their vegetables if they don't eat them quickly.  We talk about our favorite colors.  We plan what to do that day.  We discuss what happened at school that day, or make up stories.

I caught myself relying too heavily on discipline this morning.  I found myself continuously telling the girls to stop ________ and then having to punish them.  I couldn't figure out what the heck was wrong, and assumed they were getting sick, or needed more sleep, or something!  But now that they've gone down for their naps and I've had time to reflect, my parenting was not up to par this morning.  I wasn't directing them appropriately.  Instead of telling them to stop banging their hammers on the kitchen table, then removing their hammers when they didn't listen to me, I should have told them to stop banging their hammers on the kitchen table because they were denting it, but lets go find something that needs fixing.  <---- discipline and parenting.

I have big plans for them when they wake up.  I know we will have a better afternoon.