My husband likes to joke that I'm ALWAYS hurt or sick. It is starting to feel like he's right. But, there may be a coming explanation for my constant injuries.
This has been a pretty wild week. On Monday, I started having some chest pain, but thought nothing of it, because I often get chest pain and it goes away as mysteriously as it began. By Tuesday night, it had gotten worse, and I was getting dizzy, so my husband took me to the hospital. They couldn't find anything wrong, but based on my history of blood clots, they assumed that I had a blood clot in my lungs, and had me follow up with my hematologist.
My hematologist was on vacation, and the covering hematologist basically told me I was wasting his time, and that there was no way I had a clot if all of the tests were negative. I'm not entirely sure why he was such a jerk. I didn't just wander in off the streets looking for a Lovenox fix; I was sent by another doctor who was concerned about my history and didn't want to miss anything. Moving on (though still irritated) I was sent to my primary care doctor.
That was another huge cluster. The office had no power, but the amazing nurse practioner turned into a Jack Russell Terrier on the hunt for a rodent, and was figuring this out by flash light if she had to. She booked me appointments for an echocardiogram, as well as a cardiologist consult, and also recommended I start Prilosec just in case it was something silly like heart burn. Heart burn sounded pretty good to me, so I left with my fingers crossed that this was just really bad heart burn. Though, to be blunt, I knew it wasn't, because heart burn doesn't typically leave people dizzy and short of breath.
That night, she called me, and told me that she had a potential cause of this pain; I had a fracture on one of my vertebrae in roughly the same area. This sounded like great news at first, because fractures heal. But then I realized that with no recent falls, this fracture was probably caused by osteoporosis. And I'm only 34 years old.
That was a total bummer. And more so of a bummer when my well-meaning husband pointed out that I need to start doing the things I want to do before I end up in too much pain to function. But that statement shocked me into an epiphany. Maybe he's right, but I'm not going to live that way. I'm going to do all of the things I want because I want to share those experiences with my husband and babies, not out of fear of not being able to do them next year.
This morning, I brought my little ladies to a play date with two lovely women that I went to grade school with, and their charming little men. It was a blast. It hurt like a bastard, but it was worth every minute. And tonight, I told everyone that someone else was here helping me, and I did it myself. I can't remember the last time I've laughed so hard, or enjoyed life so much. Tonight was a blessing. Yes, it hurt, again, like a bastard, but I wouldn't trade it for all the healthy bones in the world.
There are some things I will do whether or not I have osteoporosis; I will continue to lose weight. I will do this because I want to set a healthy example for my girls, but also because I want every bite that goes into my mouth to be an opportunity for healing and nutrition. I will go back to Bikram yoga as soon as my knee and back permit, and the cardiologist clears me. I will start swimming again. I will start walking again. I will pursue a healthy body because I love my family, but also because I love myself. I will pursue a healthy mind for the same reason.
I will not permit my family to fall apart again, even if my body disintegrates bit by bit. This is MY family, and MY life.
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